Jokes :D i dun care if they're dry

Lol post any jokes you have here. I dont care if they're dry

1. I heard Uranus is a big planet! (cough ur anus)
2. There were 3 kids. Fuck off, manners, and shit.
They were riding on their bikes until shit fell down. Manners went to help him, but fuck off continued riding. He bumped into a cop. "Hey whats your name?" the cop asked. He replied fuck off. The cop answerd "hey where are your manners?" and he said "back over there picking up shit

Lol ok i has some Mitch Hedberg quotes i 'member

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

It doesn't bother me when i don't keep my promises. I just think: Why did you believe me in the first place?

o.o...
A girl walking home from the bar was drunk.She wanted to pee so she went in a yard and pee[ed].THen she looked every where for sumthing to clean her vagina. And she found a nasty. sticky. socky. hairy hat next to the garbage can. So she wiped the pee off by putting the paper inside the vagina. After the next day, her husban found out there was a lollipop inside her vagina. And the husband took it out and waked up the wife and asked whats this.She said, its a souvenir?

SouichiroZ wrote:o.o...
A girl walking home from the bar was drunk.She wanted to pee so she went in a yard and pee[ed].THen she looked every where for sumthing to clean her vagina. And she found a nasty. sticky. socky. hairy hat next to the garbage can. So she wiped the pee off by putting the paper inside the vagina. After the next day, her husban found out there was a lollipop inside her vagina. And the husband took it out and waked up the wife and asked whats this.She said, its a souvenir?

right.. xd

its call being creative xDDDDDDDDD u picking up shits =P

SouichiroZ wrote:its call being creative xDDDDDDDDD u picking up shits =P

hey at least it's better to do with lollipops up someones vag..

u have a small one

SouichiroZ wrote:u have a small one

i'm a guy thank you

wid a small weenie

SouichiroZ wrote:wid a small weenie

its 3 inches >:[
Nah jk lol

u never lie and ur leis are fake =0

Some quotes from Florida State football coach Bill Peterson
-You guys pair up in groups of 3, then line up in a circle.
-Men, I want you thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.
-You guys have to run a little more than full speed out there.
-You guys line up alphabetically by height.

xD The last one actually made sense, but it would be hard to do.

lol

wanna hear a joke?
President Obama.

lol Obamas doing a pretty good job right now
but this is kinda too off topic


Moved

there are men who witnessed a murder. however, 1 man can only say "behind you", another can only say "to my right", and another can only say "a knife and a fork". Police come to the murder scene and talk to the first person they come across. they ask if he knows where a person who saw the murderer. the man says "to my right" and tthe police look to his right. they find another man. they ask him where the murderer is. this man says "behind you", so the police turn around. they then see the third of 4 men. they ask him what he used to kill the man. he says "a knife and a fork". the police arrest him and the fourth man attempts to explain the slight speech impediments. the police dont believe him, and arrest him as well for being a suspected cohort to the murdeerer. in jail, theres a story going around abbout a man who eats only knives and forks.

... FAIL
jk
blonde girl gets pulled over for driving.
by a blonde cop.
cop says i need to see ur license.
she figets around in her purse for 5 mins and finally says what does it look like.
cop says well its square and has a picture on it.
the girl hand the cop a mirror and says here ya go.
and the cop says OH i didnt know you were a cop.
move along
:DDDDD

wtf?....I didn't get it kind of...-.-
This is short
"a midget wish for tallness and big dickness then his dick turned 100x bigger so yeah Godzilla and try to fuck him he will give u the biggest pressure probaly won't fit even how big the Vagina is"by Oprah

lol Long Time Ago....There this a little boy. Then............................................he died

no tehres a BOY NAMED BUKLAU TOO UGLY HE DIED ;d

There once was a person named Wolfie, (s)he went for a walk and ran into a boy named Aren243. The boy smiled and asked, "is your refridgerater running?" Wolfie said yes, so the boy replied, "then why don't you catch it?" Now, Wolfie didn't know much about jokes, so he went looking for his refridgerater and fell off a cliff.

dude that didn't make sense.....go read more jokes o.o

Why does beyonce sing to the left to the left?

Cuz black people have no rights!


(dont get offended its a joke...and btw i love black people!!)

Wolfie<3 wrote:no tehres a BOY NAMED BUKLAU TOO UGLY HE DIED ;d

LMFAOOO!!!

BTW ; I'm not a racist. I have friends of every ethnicity, so please, don't stamp me as the Joker from Batman.

They are bad jokes... haha...



What's the difference between a Mexican and a Bench?

A bench can support a family


There were 3 men, a white man, black man, and Mexican. They got together, and after an arguement, decided to see who could make a better boat. After a week, the boats were compared. All three had similar looking boats, but what were the only flaws? Who Won?

The Mexican won. The White man decided to go to Walmart and buy a boat because it was too much work, he was lay, and he could afford one and The Black man couldn't get his boat to float. Turns out the Mexican used the same boat that succesfully got him to America.



What do you call a man with a penny collection?

A Jew



Why Did the Mexican Cross the Road?

he didn't

Why not?

He Jumped



Why did Hitler kill himself.

He realized he was a Jew



Why Don't you see midgits play in the NBA?

Shaq can't stop t-bag'in them



Why Can't Kaiba play card games to save his life?

Because i knocked the *&%! Outta him